I've been absent lately and very content catching up with my watch later list on youtube. It became exhaustingly long as of late.
The weather is bringing a certain amount of less desperation than November's did, but I'm still testing my waters. I developed an interest in lucid dreaming lately, with no success yet, but actively trying and gathering info. I also picked up a habit of writing my dreams down as soon as I wake up. This makes them stick a bit more, reflection is a great tool.
I started a new checked notebook to decorate, it's been a while I've done this stuff. I spend most of my time outdoors to avoid falling back into the dark pit I was during november and december.
However my mental state and my thoughts about him haven't changed a bit. It is definitelly an obsession but I look at it through metacognitive thinking. While it feels like an annoying sensation of burning. Something like eating spicy as hell noodles, but from the inside. Painful, makes me restless and upset. It also gives a warm exciting itch. A thing that finally makes me lose contact with my sanity. Have you ever experienced some kind of state you couldn't tell whether you're actually sane or what?
I've been working on a fiction lately. I'll probably publish some of it here.
I've been absent lately and very content catching up with my watch later list on youtube. It became exhaustingly long as of late. 